Our digital camera is no more, so at 7:00 AM this morning my word will have to do.
Some trees are holding firm, limbs outstretched upward, carrying the burden of many inches of new fallen snow upon their strength.
Some are cast downward, the weight is just too heavy. I could run out there and make my neighbors ponder my sanity, and just start shaking those little trees and bushes wildly. The snow would fall away in wintry clouds, sparkling, twirling, it would be grand. But I am not.
In my heart, yesterday...I got quickly burdened then shook by God's love. I went to work, a half hour early, what a blessing, my van run in the afternoon was cancelled and I was able to leave work at 3:00. I actually did a happy dance to the Holy Spirit in the classroom. So I'm feeling pretty proud of myself for recognizing God on my heart earlier in the day.
Oh, you puffy girl! At 3:05 I realized a car in our driveway at work was having trouble navigating out. We both proceeded through 8 inches of the wintry stuff that had fallen and I was not so happy at her progression up the highway. It was slow. Immediately my mind self-centered itself..."you need to speed up", "we aren't going to make it up this hill".
Then it hit me, she's probably as scared as I am! She has out of state plates, farther to go. You selfish little girl, Carol! I made it home...sadly I don't remember if I even sincerely prayed for her safety.
When I got home, immediately I put the boots on and began the task of shoveling. There was so much snow that my car couldn't even make it fully to the garage. Earlier in the day, I had said how I love to shovel. Not yesterday though. I asked God why am I not enjoying this! Now I know.
That little crack in the armor. That attack of selfishness had hardened and dimmed the light of Jesus.
After I post this, I am going to grab myself a bottle of water, reboot...I have already been out once this morning to get hubby out since I now have a snow day and the kids are sleeping in. I heard a flock of geese, this morning at 6:00 AM, flying in the darkness of morning. It stirred in me God's awesome grace.
They are continuing on their journey. Since I could not see the flock, only hear their trumpets call in the dark, I am presuming they were in the traditional "V". Led by one as they continued on their flight.
My goal today is to think of the One, who has saved me by His gift of grace. To shake off the burden of selfishness. To reach my heart and arms upward, carrying the weight of others in prayer. To talk to God, to put my focus back on His will and not my own desires.
Now it's time to grab my i-pod and hit some CeCe and Kirk Franklin, reboot more than just my feet, but my heart. It's daylight now, a skier's delight! It's overtime money for some working to keep our roads clear, a blessing with Christmas so near. It's also time when, some, like me, just plain get scared.
Heavenly Father...forgive me, help those in need on the roads.
Your world is truly a beautiful sight to behold this morning!
Thank you again for a lesson learned. I am bowed in humbleness, but not broken.
Lord, you have made many here a hearty bunch...may those hearts turn to you and steer clear of the many dangers out there, not just on the roads, but also in the deceit that can quickly enter our minds.
Amen, Carol
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Another Thankful Thursday!
Taking a cue from another, and another, I am forcing myself to post those unusual events that led to my marriage to Joe. I thought much through the day, when my mind was not actively involved with children, how I could even approach this subject. The last time I tried, I got laughed at.
So here it comes in the form of a list.
God blessed me!!!!
Dear Father, may this list of thanks be representative of what you did and continuing to do for me and my family.
1. Thankful Joe was drunk the night we met.
Huhhh!!!! Because of this, he didn't talk a word, just smiled and nodded his head to every word I said. What can I say, it was 1979, Thanksgiving break and me and the girls were at a local disco. I thought, this guy is so different.
2. Thankful I was taking a Business Management class and Joe fit the "T" test. You know, the one where you put your assets and liabilities together. Since I was only 18 (legal drinking age at that time) his assets clearly outweighed his liabilities.
Stupid as I was, it was more important that night as I stood there blabbering along that a guy had a nice car, college degree, aspiring minor league baseball player, and he seemed to enjoy every thing I said. My girlfriend was egging me on about his specifics since she was dating his neighbor.
3. Thankful the first time I met his family was Christmas Eve. We went to the midnight service together and the incredible and unique beauty of Jesus portrayed in mosaic bewildered me. He is not on the cross, but I feel the artist wanted to portray his love for us by having him on a throne, holding the world with angels worshiping around him. It really is an amazing work of art.
It took most the service for me to realize why his eyes struck me so funny. I finally realized they were baby blue with a slight hint of bags under them (a family trait). So were Joe's. When I told this story to someone, they laughed hilariously. Well, at 18, it had an impact or I wouldn't be repeating it.
I don't feel a resemblance anymore...both have new meaning to me.
4. Thankful Carrie Underwood sang her song "Jesus Take The Wheel". About one month later, Joe got so angry with me, jealousy had set in after every weekend we were together and he drove me back to college. One night after he left, after fighting in his car I prayed to everyone I could. I laid awake for approximately 30 minutes, I hit on God to protect him, Jesus, Mary, my mother in heaven to protect him on his drive home. I didn't know why I felt such urgency to call out but I did. Approximately 90 minutes later there was a knock on my dorm room door and I was summoned to take a call from the phone on my wing. Joe was in a full blown panic attack. Somehow the wheel was taken from his hand on the drive home as he drifted to sleep. Joe is not the kind of guy to make this stuff up, much less be in a panic. The day his finger was shredded from his hand, he was the one who drove the boat in. A day we joke about now.
5. Finally, thankful I didn't realize he was proposing marriage. We were in my living room at home, just a couple weeks later and he closed the gap between us and said, "you know we could get married". "Yes we could" was my answer. We had just "rounded the bases" physically the weekend before, a first for both of us, and I did tell God I would marry this guy. I just wasn't expecting it to be so soon. It was the first time I saw him cry.
Well that's the scoop. Sorry for the graphic detail, Joe had dated many, me hardly at all, but I was headed in the wrong direction looking for acceptance. My girls know this story, why not more!
Thanks be to God!
Happy Thursday!
So here it comes in the form of a list.
God blessed me!!!!
Dear Father, may this list of thanks be representative of what you did and continuing to do for me and my family.
1. Thankful Joe was drunk the night we met.
Huhhh!!!! Because of this, he didn't talk a word, just smiled and nodded his head to every word I said. What can I say, it was 1979, Thanksgiving break and me and the girls were at a local disco. I thought, this guy is so different.
2. Thankful I was taking a Business Management class and Joe fit the "T" test. You know, the one where you put your assets and liabilities together. Since I was only 18 (legal drinking age at that time) his assets clearly outweighed his liabilities.
Stupid as I was, it was more important that night as I stood there blabbering along that a guy had a nice car, college degree, aspiring minor league baseball player, and he seemed to enjoy every thing I said. My girlfriend was egging me on about his specifics since she was dating his neighbor.
3. Thankful the first time I met his family was Christmas Eve. We went to the midnight service together and the incredible and unique beauty of Jesus portrayed in mosaic bewildered me. He is not on the cross, but I feel the artist wanted to portray his love for us by having him on a throne, holding the world with angels worshiping around him. It really is an amazing work of art.
It took most the service for me to realize why his eyes struck me so funny. I finally realized they were baby blue with a slight hint of bags under them (a family trait). So were Joe's. When I told this story to someone, they laughed hilariously. Well, at 18, it had an impact or I wouldn't be repeating it.
I don't feel a resemblance anymore...both have new meaning to me.
4. Thankful Carrie Underwood sang her song "Jesus Take The Wheel". About one month later, Joe got so angry with me, jealousy had set in after every weekend we were together and he drove me back to college. One night after he left, after fighting in his car I prayed to everyone I could. I laid awake for approximately 30 minutes, I hit on God to protect him, Jesus, Mary, my mother in heaven to protect him on his drive home. I didn't know why I felt such urgency to call out but I did. Approximately 90 minutes later there was a knock on my dorm room door and I was summoned to take a call from the phone on my wing. Joe was in a full blown panic attack. Somehow the wheel was taken from his hand on the drive home as he drifted to sleep. Joe is not the kind of guy to make this stuff up, much less be in a panic. The day his finger was shredded from his hand, he was the one who drove the boat in. A day we joke about now.
5. Finally, thankful I didn't realize he was proposing marriage. We were in my living room at home, just a couple weeks later and he closed the gap between us and said, "you know we could get married". "Yes we could" was my answer. We had just "rounded the bases" physically the weekend before, a first for both of us, and I did tell God I would marry this guy. I just wasn't expecting it to be so soon. It was the first time I saw him cry.
Well that's the scoop. Sorry for the graphic detail, Joe had dated many, me hardly at all, but I was headed in the wrong direction looking for acceptance. My girls know this story, why not more!
Thanks be to God!
Happy Thursday!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
HHHH... I forgot to title this! It's Daniel!
I am starting over, on some things.
Discontent led to my own disapproval of my actions concerning God.
Different messages these past few days made me realize that the seeds we sow are not always financial. It can be a smile, a hug, a kind word, patience, etc...
It can also be giving time to reading the Word of God and taking notes, listening to what is being said and using it to guide your thoughts and actions further to represent the body of Christ.
Sooooo.....
last night I started on the book of Daniel.
One Chapter!!!! The First chapter humbled me...I read the second but the first really stuck it to me.
In chapter one, as many know, Daniel was chosen along with others, including the youths we learned about in our own childhood; Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego. I knew the story of Daniel, have read this chapter often but never took the time to notate the specifics.
What a change!
In being called to live near the king, Nebuchadnezzar, and eat from the food he provided, Daniel requested that he "not defile" himself and his friends. With the favour of God upon him, his request was granted by a king's servant. After ten days the boys partook upon beans and water and in turn were "fairer and fatter" than the rest. This diet continued thus on for them.
Hmmmm....well I say humbly that if in that position I could have easily said that favour is upon me and I deserve the things of the king because I have been separated and singled out. How easily reasoning, earthly reasoning could have won me over!
I started seeing in my mind TV shows I watch, certain foods I eat, gossip or talk that even though I might not participate in, I swallow up in my mind.
So many times I do actions that I know are pleasing to God...but that is where I need to be very careful...Daniel chose his actions based on the love he had for God. I began to realize that some of my actions in recent weeks haven't been so. Actions spurred on by true love of God and others, often come without hesitation and do not expect reward. Good and true actions are the ones that bring joy, happiness in the Spirit, not requiring payback because payment is in the love of Christ!
Sadly, I still miss the mark sometimes.
Graciously and humbly I will lean on you, Father, to remember the beginning of Daniel and sit it well upon my heart as I continue on.
Thanks be to God!
Discontent led to my own disapproval of my actions concerning God.
Different messages these past few days made me realize that the seeds we sow are not always financial. It can be a smile, a hug, a kind word, patience, etc...
It can also be giving time to reading the Word of God and taking notes, listening to what is being said and using it to guide your thoughts and actions further to represent the body of Christ.
Sooooo.....
last night I started on the book of Daniel.
One Chapter!!!! The First chapter humbled me...I read the second but the first really stuck it to me.
In chapter one, as many know, Daniel was chosen along with others, including the youths we learned about in our own childhood; Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego. I knew the story of Daniel, have read this chapter often but never took the time to notate the specifics.
What a change!
In being called to live near the king, Nebuchadnezzar, and eat from the food he provided, Daniel requested that he "not defile" himself and his friends. With the favour of God upon him, his request was granted by a king's servant. After ten days the boys partook upon beans and water and in turn were "fairer and fatter" than the rest. This diet continued thus on for them.
Hmmmm....well I say humbly that if in that position I could have easily said that favour is upon me and I deserve the things of the king because I have been separated and singled out. How easily reasoning, earthly reasoning could have won me over!
I started seeing in my mind TV shows I watch, certain foods I eat, gossip or talk that even though I might not participate in, I swallow up in my mind.
So many times I do actions that I know are pleasing to God...but that is where I need to be very careful...Daniel chose his actions based on the love he had for God. I began to realize that some of my actions in recent weeks haven't been so. Actions spurred on by true love of God and others, often come without hesitation and do not expect reward. Good and true actions are the ones that bring joy, happiness in the Spirit, not requiring payback because payment is in the love of Christ!
Sadly, I still miss the mark sometimes.
Graciously and humbly I will lean on you, Father, to remember the beginning of Daniel and sit it well upon my heart as I continue on.
Thanks be to God!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Having a day off!
No school today...professional day for teachers, not me!
Thank you Father!
Lets start with a bit of praise for what has been going on.
1. Eldest daughter loves teaching 7th grade Math! Has her own classroom, wonders if the new teacher feeling will ever go away because she loves going to work now!
2. I got a new do! Short! Donated to Locks For Love! Getting compliments!
3. Lost 12 pounds...so busy!
4. Paid off three outstanding debts...no more car payments!
5. Hubby is committing to attending church with me!
6. Youngest made Merit role for first grading period!
7. And this wonderful soup we had yesterday! Hubby made it all by himself...
Arghhh!!!! I give up! Anyways the most delicious soup...go to www.startcooking.com and look up the Butternut Squash Soup recipe...video instructions included...we only added 1 Tablespoon of maple syrup instead of two!
8. What I have gained in just two chapters of reading "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God" by Lysa TerKeurst.
a. My mind tends to go away from God, and directly and often incorrectly to the people I care about, instead of to God, who is the ONE who covers those I care about. Realizing I need to write more scriptures down, read more of God's Word and share that directly with Him.
b. I need more patience still....
Prov. 20:21 "Possessions gained hastily at the outset will in the end not be blessed"
Here again I sometimes get revelation internally, but cast it onto myself instead of to God. Knowledge gained through scripture and others is wasted. Seeing greater need to correct that!
c. Thus leading to renewed mindset to participate more with alone time by reading scripture, journaling after each reading, asking more of the steps I can do in God's will instead of asking direct action by Him or perceiving something that may not truly be there in His will.
"Haste makes Waste"...I have wasted too much time this past week worrying about what the future may hold. I have been feeling drained because I am weak when it comes to looking at ALL I have to praise in the present. Last night I spent that alone time with Him, writing things down...what a change it made.
So this morning my youngest and I went to see our optometrist, she is wearing contacts now (Thank you, Father!), this was a big step for her after many months of saying "I can't". We told her no JV B-ball with glasses on...either the contacts or goggles.
Then we indulged in a Bob Evans breakfast. I had warm apples on stuffed french toast...yummy...even better with a light snow falling outside!
Got me some Dollar Tree assorted locking storage containers...going to get more organization done around here...the reason being...
I need more free time,
to spend with family, friends, church, myself and the one who matters most...
God!
Psalms 94:18
"When I say, "My foot is slipping", your kindness, O Lord, sustains me."
So to end, I am swamped with things that need attending to, yet I am being sustained in good cheer, never too down to get back up. Maybe someday things will settle down so I can thoroughly be confident and patient with things like downloading videos of someone making delicious soup for a cold wintry day!
Thank you Father!
Lets start with a bit of praise for what has been going on.
1. Eldest daughter loves teaching 7th grade Math! Has her own classroom, wonders if the new teacher feeling will ever go away because she loves going to work now!
2. I got a new do! Short! Donated to Locks For Love! Getting compliments!
3. Lost 12 pounds...so busy!
4. Paid off three outstanding debts...no more car payments!
5. Hubby is committing to attending church with me!
6. Youngest made Merit role for first grading period!
7. And this wonderful soup we had yesterday! Hubby made it all by himself...
Arghhh!!!! I give up! Anyways the most delicious soup...go to www.startcooking.com and look up the Butternut Squash Soup recipe...video instructions included...we only added 1 Tablespoon of maple syrup instead of two!
8. What I have gained in just two chapters of reading "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God" by Lysa TerKeurst.
a. My mind tends to go away from God, and directly and often incorrectly to the people I care about, instead of to God, who is the ONE who covers those I care about. Realizing I need to write more scriptures down, read more of God's Word and share that directly with Him.
b. I need more patience still....
Prov. 20:21 "Possessions gained hastily at the outset will in the end not be blessed"
Here again I sometimes get revelation internally, but cast it onto myself instead of to God. Knowledge gained through scripture and others is wasted. Seeing greater need to correct that!
c. Thus leading to renewed mindset to participate more with alone time by reading scripture, journaling after each reading, asking more of the steps I can do in God's will instead of asking direct action by Him or perceiving something that may not truly be there in His will.
"Haste makes Waste"...I have wasted too much time this past week worrying about what the future may hold. I have been feeling drained because I am weak when it comes to looking at ALL I have to praise in the present. Last night I spent that alone time with Him, writing things down...what a change it made.
So this morning my youngest and I went to see our optometrist, she is wearing contacts now (Thank you, Father!), this was a big step for her after many months of saying "I can't". We told her no JV B-ball with glasses on...either the contacts or goggles.
Then we indulged in a Bob Evans breakfast. I had warm apples on stuffed french toast...yummy...even better with a light snow falling outside!
Got me some Dollar Tree assorted locking storage containers...going to get more organization done around here...the reason being...
I need more free time,
to spend with family, friends, church, myself and the one who matters most...
God!
Psalms 94:18
"When I say, "My foot is slipping", your kindness, O Lord, sustains me."
So to end, I am swamped with things that need attending to, yet I am being sustained in good cheer, never too down to get back up. Maybe someday things will settle down so I can thoroughly be confident and patient with things like downloading videos of someone making delicious soup for a cold wintry day!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
What my eyes did not see!
Friday night I attempted to jazz up my blog with a download from another site.
Today, Sunday, I am choosing to leave it for now.
Last night, after a nerve-wrenching game on TV with Penn State vs Ohio State, I made a mental decision I would arise extra early, attend early church and visit my father in a nursing home. At 6:00 I popped awake but chose to catch a few more winks...when I got up it was too late. Joe was already outside closing our above ground pool, which was a gift from my father many years ago. I was sick inside. Our weekends have been full or the weather hasn't cooperated...today was the day, because there is going to be a change in the weather tomorrow.
Joe needed me. Four hours later he openly thanked me for my help and it settled so sweetly with me that my heart was full of love.
I opened this blog but was still saddened by what I didn't do today, something I wanted so much to happen last night.
I googled Mark 8...read all of Chapter 8 & 9, and took it to the bathtub to soak and ponder on.
Much happened in those two chapters. Feeding thousands, addressing more Pharisees, healings, Peter's confession of Christ, Jesus predicts his death, the Transfiguration...this is too much to comment on from my limited skill.
Yet the quote that stirred me to came back here was Mark 8:21
"He said to them, "Do you still not understand?"
I could swallow myself up in pity or I could press on trusting God.
Each day is filled with the temptation of "couldas" and "shouldas".
I learned that years ago when I was still in therapy.
Being one of sound faith and joyful to boot, doesn't have to be a strain.
Why was I making it so?
Sitting in the bathtub, naked and talking to God may sound weird, but think of all the places millions have had to call out His name and the various circumstances they have been in.
Now I am relaxed. Joe is resting. The girls are shopping.
I didn't make it to church again or visit my father.
I'm not proud of that, but I refuse to allow it to rob my joy!
Today, Sunday, I am choosing to leave it for now.
Last night, after a nerve-wrenching game on TV with Penn State vs Ohio State, I made a mental decision I would arise extra early, attend early church and visit my father in a nursing home. At 6:00 I popped awake but chose to catch a few more winks...when I got up it was too late. Joe was already outside closing our above ground pool, which was a gift from my father many years ago. I was sick inside. Our weekends have been full or the weather hasn't cooperated...today was the day, because there is going to be a change in the weather tomorrow.
Joe needed me. Four hours later he openly thanked me for my help and it settled so sweetly with me that my heart was full of love.
I opened this blog but was still saddened by what I didn't do today, something I wanted so much to happen last night.
I googled Mark 8...read all of Chapter 8 & 9, and took it to the bathtub to soak and ponder on.
Much happened in those two chapters. Feeding thousands, addressing more Pharisees, healings, Peter's confession of Christ, Jesus predicts his death, the Transfiguration...this is too much to comment on from my limited skill.
Yet the quote that stirred me to came back here was Mark 8:21
"He said to them, "Do you still not understand?"
I could swallow myself up in pity or I could press on trusting God.
Each day is filled with the temptation of "couldas" and "shouldas".
I learned that years ago when I was still in therapy.
Being one of sound faith and joyful to boot, doesn't have to be a strain.
Why was I making it so?
Sitting in the bathtub, naked and talking to God may sound weird, but think of all the places millions have had to call out His name and the various circumstances they have been in.
Now I am relaxed. Joe is resting. The girls are shopping.
I didn't make it to church again or visit my father.
I'm not proud of that, but I refuse to allow it to rob my joy!
Friday, October 24, 2008
This isn't working!
Okay the theme of Lysa TerKeurst's blog today from Proverbs 31 Ministry was blogging.
This is definitely one experiment gone wrong.
There are trees growing behind my daughter.
I can't seem to figure out how to enlarge my text area.
I lost a link...anyways it was a funny man giggling at The Comedy Barn in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. It's on youtube somewhere, yet when you clink links there you never know what will be in the sidebars of other videos, so it is just as well be lost.
I am missing family movie night in the next room, Indiana Jones.
Yet I find this situation somewhat goofy enough to post.
To make matters worse, I just got hushed when I asked how to spell "youtube". I had it Utube...I am such a dork!
Giving it up...for now.
Love and blessings!!!!!
Carol
This is definitely one experiment gone wrong.
There are trees growing behind my daughter.
I can't seem to figure out how to enlarge my text area.
I lost a link...anyways it was a funny man giggling at The Comedy Barn in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. It's on youtube somewhere, yet when you clink links there you never know what will be in the sidebars of other videos, so it is just as well be lost.
I am missing family movie night in the next room, Indiana Jones.
Yet I find this situation somewhat goofy enough to post.
To make matters worse, I just got hushed when I asked how to spell "youtube". I had it Utube...I am such a dork!
Giving it up...for now.
Love and blessings!!!!!
Carol
Monday, October 6, 2008
"I'm glad your my Mom."
That is what my youngest daughter said to me as I was driving her to her first Homecoming dance as a freshman and representative of our school's Student Council.
I actually did this.....
and the finished result...mind you we only bought this dress two weeks ago and the shoes four hours before the event. For once having size 10 feet came in handy because they were the only shoes that fit and they were "good"!
Now to what really gives me motivation sometimes...
Deut 4:9
"Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons' sons"
I did not give heed to anything Saturday night but to create a balance in my daughter's life that would bring her confidence and reassurance in her natural beauty. She had a wonderful time!
Sunday we enjoyed, my two girls and I, a little talk of why I do the things I do.
I don't want them to make the mistakes I made.
(That's why I check her grades on the computer.)
That's why I try to go the extra mile and blab on and on about the things that hurt me when I was younger.
We also talked of the mistakes I have made, and their right to comment and store up what they would do differently when they have children of their own.
(my eldest reminded me of her 9th grade hairdo that was not so "hip", "funky" or whatever they say now-it was more akin to a Texas beauty pagent...hey...I admitted I make mistakes)
My girls know I smoked pot, went to my first bar at the age of 15, was a binge eater then a starvation fool. When my mother died my senior year of cancer, I hurt so deeply inside I began hurting myself. I once told someone that in MY case, I do not regret the pain I went through and the mistakes I made because I turned something wrong from my early life into something wonderful!
Thanking God we reconnected these past several years before it was too late!
Thank you Jesus...because of you I really was made anew!
(yet a little of the daring comes out from time to time-Thank you Holy Spirit!!!!)
I do not mask much any more...I don't take chances any more!
God gave me four wonderful things to die for:
two beautiful young women,
a loving husband,
and life eternal!!!!!!!
I actually did this.....
and the finished result...mind you we only bought this dress two weeks ago and the shoes four hours before the event. For once having size 10 feet came in handy because they were the only shoes that fit and they were "good"!
Now to what really gives me motivation sometimes...
Deut 4:9
"Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons' sons"
I did not give heed to anything Saturday night but to create a balance in my daughter's life that would bring her confidence and reassurance in her natural beauty. She had a wonderful time!
Sunday we enjoyed, my two girls and I, a little talk of why I do the things I do.
I don't want them to make the mistakes I made.
(That's why I check her grades on the computer.)
That's why I try to go the extra mile and blab on and on about the things that hurt me when I was younger.
We also talked of the mistakes I have made, and their right to comment and store up what they would do differently when they have children of their own.
(my eldest reminded me of her 9th grade hairdo that was not so "hip", "funky" or whatever they say now-it was more akin to a Texas beauty pagent...hey...I admitted I make mistakes)
My girls know I smoked pot, went to my first bar at the age of 15, was a binge eater then a starvation fool. When my mother died my senior year of cancer, I hurt so deeply inside I began hurting myself. I once told someone that in MY case, I do not regret the pain I went through and the mistakes I made because I turned something wrong from my early life into something wonderful!
Thanking God we reconnected these past several years before it was too late!
Thank you Jesus...because of you I really was made anew!
(yet a little of the daring comes out from time to time-Thank you Holy Spirit!!!!)
I do not mask much any more...I don't take chances any more!
God gave me four wonderful things to die for:
two beautiful young women,
a loving husband,
and life eternal!!!!!!!
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