The trees are staying.

Earlier today, I spent some time checking out other blog downloads but could not part with the tree theme. When I was a young girl, living on my father's farm, I spent much of my free time combing the wooded areas with my dog. I was the leader. Bruce, the dog, wandered some but always was earshot away. I chose the paths we took.

Then last night, I was reading Lysa Terkeurst's book, "What Happens When Women Say Yes To God". In one of her chapters, she repeats the story of Jesus directing Simon Peter and others to lay their nets into the water even though they had worked throughout the night with nothing in their catch. In obedience, yet not fully convinced, Peter followed Jesus' command and in return hauled such a catch that the nets "began to break".

Lysa then directs her teaching to Luke 5:10-11
"Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men." So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.

When I finished the chapter I began writing my responses to the bible study questions that followed. One question inspired me the most...
"How does their response inspire you?"

Well the first word that popped into my head was "breathtaking".

So before I logged into my blog tonight I hit "breathtaking" into Google and took the definition from www.thefreedictionary.com site.

Breathtaking
1. inspiring or exciting
2. astonishing; astounding

syn: amazing, striking, exciting, brilliant, dramatic, impressive, thrilling, overwhelming, magnificent, sensational, awesome, and WONDROUS!

I took the day off today...a wintry mix left me too afraid to venture out. Some good did come from this though. I did nothing but relax, study, read and reheat leftovers.
This actually was a tough thing to do with Christmas so close away. I had guilt at first but realize now that this day of tossing all fears, all worry of what needs done away was good!
I apologized to God for being that ragamuffin kid with her dog, constantly choosing a new path. I need to have my sight on One, to complete the journey and follow!
I asked to see His "wondrous" son, Jesus Christ in a new light this Christmas season.
I pictured the three men who dropped all to follow Jesus. They saw the brilliance, the magnificent, the awesome.
Glorious! Glorious! He must had seemed!
To live this truth, day to day, is a Christmas wish for all!!!!

So.....I want to finish today's post with some belated Thanksgiving offerings.
*Great turkey!
*All the leftover's are gone!
*Outdoor lights are up! What a job! Actually took out the CD player and rejoiced with some holiday music to serenade us!
*Hey, our digital camera started working...pics to follow soon!
*Hubby did the dishes, while I slept! I was whipped last night! That actually is a prayer answered!!!! He usually doesn't help out around the house. Tomorrow he plans on helping me clean and decorate inside!
*Deer season...no school tomorrow...hey...in rural Pa. the school districts realize that attendance is very limited on the first day of hunting season!
*Lysa Terkeurst's book!
*Lots of board games and fun!
*Holiday DVD's!
*Christmas humming! Do it...it is good!

Thank you Father!

It Really Is Beautiful!

Our digital camera is no more, so at 7:00 AM this morning my word will have to do.
Some trees are holding firm, limbs outstretched upward, carrying the burden of many inches of new fallen snow upon their strength.

Some are cast downward, the weight is just too heavy. I could run out there and make my neighbors ponder my sanity, and just start shaking those little trees and bushes wildly. The snow would fall away in wintry clouds, sparkling, twirling, it would be grand. But I am not.

In my heart, yesterday...I got quickly burdened then shook by God's love. I went to work, a half hour early, what a blessing, my van run in the afternoon was cancelled and I was able to leave work at 3:00. I actually did a happy dance to the Holy Spirit in the classroom. So I'm feeling pretty proud of myself for recognizing God on my heart earlier in the day.

Oh, you puffy girl! At 3:05 I realized a car in our driveway at work was having trouble navigating out. We both proceeded through 8 inches of the wintry stuff that had fallen and I was not so happy at her progression up the highway. It was slow. Immediately my mind self-centered itself..."you need to speed up", "we aren't going to make it up this hill".

Then it hit me, she's probably as scared as I am! She has out of state plates, farther to go. You selfish little girl, Carol! I made it home...sadly I don't remember if I even sincerely prayed for her safety.

When I got home, immediately I put the boots on and began the task of shoveling. There was so much snow that my car couldn't even make it fully to the garage. Earlier in the day, I had said how I love to shovel. Not yesterday though. I asked God why am I not enjoying this! Now I know.

That little crack in the armor. That attack of selfishness had hardened and dimmed the light of Jesus.

After I post this, I am going to grab myself a bottle of water, reboot...I have already been out once this morning to get hubby out since I now have a snow day and the kids are sleeping in. I heard a flock of geese, this morning at 6:00 AM, flying in the darkness of morning. It stirred in me God's awesome grace.

They are continuing on their journey. Since I could not see the flock, only hear their trumpets call in the dark, I am presuming they were in the traditional "V". Led by one as they continued on their flight.

My goal today is to think of the One, who has saved me by His gift of grace. To shake off the burden of selfishness. To reach my heart and arms upward, carrying the weight of others in prayer. To talk to God, to put my focus back on His will and not my own desires.

Now it's time to grab my i-pod and hit some CeCe and Kirk Franklin, reboot more than just my feet, but my heart. It's daylight now, a skier's delight! It's overtime money for some working to keep our roads clear, a blessing with Christmas so near. It's also time when, some, like me, just plain get scared.

Heavenly Father...forgive me, help those in need on the roads.
Your world is truly a beautiful sight to behold this morning!
Thank you again for a lesson learned. I am bowed in humbleness, but not broken.
Lord, you have made many here a hearty bunch...may those hearts turn to you and steer clear of the many dangers out there, not just on the roads, but also in the deceit that can quickly enter our minds.

Amen, Carol

Another Thankful Thursday!

Taking a cue from another, and another, I am forcing myself to post those unusual events that led to my marriage to Joe. I thought much through the day, when my mind was not actively involved with children, how I could even approach this subject. The last time I tried, I got laughed at.

So here it comes in the form of a list.

God blessed me!!!!

Dear Father, may this list of thanks be representative of what you did and continuing to do for me and my family.

1. Thankful Joe was drunk the night we met.
Huhhh!!!! Because of this, he didn't talk a word, just smiled and nodded his head to every word I said. What can I say, it was 1979, Thanksgiving break and me and the girls were at a local disco. I thought, this guy is so different.

2. Thankful I was taking a Business Management class and Joe fit the "T" test. You know, the one where you put your assets and liabilities together. Since I was only 18 (legal drinking age at that time) his assets clearly outweighed his liabilities.
Stupid as I was, it was more important that night as I stood there blabbering along that a guy had a nice car, college degree, aspiring minor league baseball player, and he seemed to enjoy every thing I said. My girlfriend was egging me on about his specifics since she was dating his neighbor.

3. Thankful the first time I met his family was Christmas Eve. We went to the midnight service together and the incredible and unique beauty of Jesus portrayed in mosaic bewildered me. He is not on the cross, but I feel the artist wanted to portray his love for us by having him on a throne, holding the world with angels worshiping around him. It really is an amazing work of art.
It took most the service for me to realize why his eyes struck me so funny. I finally realized they were baby blue with a slight hint of bags under them (a family trait). So were Joe's. When I told this story to someone, they laughed hilariously. Well, at 18, it had an impact or I wouldn't be repeating it.
I don't feel a resemblance anymore...both have new meaning to me.

4. Thankful Carrie Underwood sang her song "Jesus Take The Wheel". About one month later, Joe got so angry with me, jealousy had set in after every weekend we were together and he drove me back to college. One night after he left, after fighting in his car I prayed to everyone I could. I laid awake for approximately 30 minutes, I hit on God to protect him, Jesus, Mary, my mother in heaven to protect him on his drive home. I didn't know why I felt such urgency to call out but I did. Approximately 90 minutes later there was a knock on my dorm room door and I was summoned to take a call from the phone on my wing. Joe was in a full blown panic attack. Somehow the wheel was taken from his hand on the drive home as he drifted to sleep. Joe is not the kind of guy to make this stuff up, much less be in a panic. The day his finger was shredded from his hand, he was the one who drove the boat in. A day we joke about now.

5. Finally, thankful I didn't realize he was proposing marriage. We were in my living room at home, just a couple weeks later and he closed the gap between us and said, "you know we could get married". "Yes we could" was my answer. We had just "rounded the bases" physically the weekend before, a first for both of us, and I did tell God I would marry this guy. I just wasn't expecting it to be so soon. It was the first time I saw him cry.

Well that's the scoop. Sorry for the graphic detail, Joe had dated many, me hardly at all, but I was headed in the wrong direction looking for acceptance. My girls know this story, why not more!

Thanks be to God!
Happy Thursday!

HHHH... I forgot to title this! It's Daniel!

I am starting over, on some things.
Discontent led to my own disapproval of my actions concerning God.
Different messages these past few days made me realize that the seeds we sow are not always financial. It can be a smile, a hug, a kind word, patience, etc...

It can also be giving time to reading the Word of God and taking notes, listening to what is being said and using it to guide your thoughts and actions further to represent the body of Christ.

Sooooo.....
last night I started on the book of Daniel.

One Chapter!!!! The First chapter humbled me...I read the second but the first really stuck it to me.

In chapter one, as many know, Daniel was chosen along with others, including the youths we learned about in our own childhood; Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego. I knew the story of Daniel, have read this chapter often but never took the time to notate the specifics.

What a change!



In being called to live near the king, Nebuchadnezzar, and eat from the food he provided, Daniel requested that he "not defile" himself and his friends. With the favour of God upon him, his request was granted by a king's servant. After ten days the boys partook upon beans and water and in turn were "fairer and fatter" than the rest. This diet continued thus on for them.

Hmmmm....well I say humbly that if in that position I could have easily said that favour is upon me and I deserve the things of the king because I have been separated and singled out. How easily reasoning, earthly reasoning could have won me over!

I started seeing in my mind TV shows I watch, certain foods I eat, gossip or talk that even though I might not participate in, I swallow up in my mind.

So many times I do actions that I know are pleasing to God...but that is where I need to be very careful...Daniel chose his actions based on the love he had for God. I began to realize that some of my actions in recent weeks haven't been so. Actions spurred on by true love of God and others, often come without hesitation and do not expect reward. Good and true actions are the ones that bring joy, happiness in the Spirit, not requiring payback because payment is in the love of Christ!

Sadly, I still miss the mark sometimes.
Graciously and humbly I will lean on you, Father, to remember the beginning of Daniel and sit it well upon my heart as I continue on.

Thanks be to God!

Having a day off!

No school today...professional day for teachers, not me!

Thank you Father!

Lets start with a bit of praise for what has been going on.

1. Eldest daughter loves teaching 7th grade Math! Has her own classroom, wonders if the new teacher feeling will ever go away because she loves going to work now!

2. I got a new do! Short! Donated to Locks For Love! Getting compliments!

3. Lost 12 pounds...so busy!

4. Paid off three outstanding debts...no more car payments!

5. Hubby is committing to attending church with me!

6. Youngest made Merit role for first grading period!

7. And this wonderful soup we had yesterday! Hubby made it all by himself...

Arghhh!!!! I give up! Anyways the most delicious soup...go to www.startcooking.com and look up the Butternut Squash Soup recipe...video instructions included...we only added 1 Tablespoon of maple syrup instead of two!




8. What I have gained in just two chapters of reading "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God" by Lysa TerKeurst.

a. My mind tends to go away from God, and directly and often incorrectly to the people I care about, instead of to God, who is the ONE who covers those I care about. Realizing I need to write more scriptures down, read more of God's Word and share that directly with Him.

b. I need more patience still....

Prov. 20:21 "Possessions gained hastily at the outset will in the end not be blessed"

Here again I sometimes get revelation internally, but cast it onto myself instead of to God. Knowledge gained through scripture and others is wasted. Seeing greater need to correct that!

c. Thus leading to renewed mindset to participate more with alone time by reading scripture, journaling after each reading, asking more of the steps I can do in God's will instead of asking direct action by Him or perceiving something that may not truly be there in His will.

"Haste makes Waste"...I have wasted too much time this past week worrying about what the future may hold. I have been feeling drained because I am weak when it comes to looking at ALL I have to praise in the present. Last night I spent that alone time with Him, writing things down...what a change it made.



So this morning my youngest and I went to see our optometrist, she is wearing contacts now (Thank you, Father!), this was a big step for her after many months of saying "I can't". We told her no JV B-ball with glasses on...either the contacts or goggles.

Then we indulged in a Bob Evans breakfast. I had warm apples on stuffed french toast...yummy...even better with a light snow falling outside!

Got me some Dollar Tree assorted locking storage containers...going to get more organization done around here...the reason being...

I need more free time,

to spend with family, friends, church, myself and the one who matters most...

God!

Psalms 94:18
"When I say, "My foot is slipping", your kindness, O Lord, sustains me."

So to end, I am swamped with things that need attending to, yet I am being sustained in good cheer, never too down to get back up. Maybe someday things will settle down so I can thoroughly be confident and patient with things like downloading videos of someone making delicious soup for a cold wintry day!

What my eyes did not see!

Friday night I attempted to jazz up my blog with a download from another site.

Today, Sunday, I am choosing to leave it for now.
Last night, after a nerve-wrenching game on TV with Penn State vs Ohio State, I made a mental decision I would arise extra early, attend early church and visit my father in a nursing home. At 6:00 I popped awake but chose to catch a few more winks...when I got up it was too late. Joe was already outside closing our above ground pool, which was a gift from my father many years ago. I was sick inside. Our weekends have been full or the weather hasn't cooperated...today was the day, because there is going to be a change in the weather tomorrow.

Joe needed me. Four hours later he openly thanked me for my help and it settled so sweetly with me that my heart was full of love.

I opened this blog but was still saddened by what I didn't do today, something I wanted so much to happen last night.

I googled Mark 8...read all of Chapter 8 & 9, and took it to the bathtub to soak and ponder on.

Much happened in those two chapters. Feeding thousands, addressing more Pharisees, healings, Peter's confession of Christ, Jesus predicts his death, the Transfiguration...this is too much to comment on from my limited skill.

Yet the quote that stirred me to came back here was Mark 8:21
"He said to them, "Do you still not understand?"

I could swallow myself up in pity or I could press on trusting God.

Each day is filled with the temptation of "couldas" and "shouldas".
I learned that years ago when I was still in therapy.

Being one of sound faith and joyful to boot, doesn't have to be a strain.
Why was I making it so?

Sitting in the bathtub, naked and talking to God may sound weird, but think of all the places millions have had to call out His name and the various circumstances they have been in.

Now I am relaxed. Joe is resting. The girls are shopping.
I didn't make it to church again or visit my father.

I'm not proud of that, but I refuse to allow it to rob my joy!

This isn't working!

Okay the theme of Lysa TerKeurst's blog today from Proverbs 31 Ministry was blogging.

This is definitely one experiment gone wrong.

There are trees growing behind my daughter.

I can't seem to figure out how to enlarge my text area.

I lost a link...anyways it was a funny man giggling at The Comedy Barn in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. It's on youtube somewhere, yet when you clink links there you never know what will be in the sidebars of other videos, so it is just as well be lost.

I am missing family movie night in the next room, Indiana Jones.

Yet I find this situation somewhat goofy enough to post.

To make matters worse, I just got hushed when I asked how to spell "youtube". I had it Utube...I am such a dork!

Giving it up...for now.

Love and blessings!!!!!


Carol

"I'm glad your my Mom."

That is what my youngest daughter said to me as I was driving her to her first Homecoming dance as a freshman and representative of our school's Student Council.

I actually did this.....


and the finished result...mind you we only bought this dress two weeks ago and the shoes four hours before the event. For once having size 10 feet came in handy because they were the only shoes that fit and they were "good"!





Now to what really gives me motivation sometimes...

Deut 4:9

"Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons' sons"


I did not give heed to anything Saturday night but to create a balance in my daughter's life that would bring her confidence and reassurance in her natural beauty. She had a wonderful time!

Sunday we enjoyed, my two girls and I, a little talk of why I do the things I do.

I don't want them to make the mistakes I made.
(That's why I check her grades on the computer.)

That's why I try to go the extra mile and blab on and on about the things that hurt me when I was younger.

We also talked of the mistakes I have made, and their right to comment and store up what they would do differently when they have children of their own.
(my eldest reminded me of her 9th grade hairdo that was not so "hip", "funky" or whatever they say now-it was more akin to a Texas beauty pagent...hey...I admitted I make mistakes)

My girls know I smoked pot, went to my first bar at the age of 15, was a binge eater then a starvation fool. When my mother died my senior year of cancer, I hurt so deeply inside I began hurting myself. I once told someone that in MY case, I do not regret the pain I went through and the mistakes I made because I turned something wrong from my early life into something wonderful!


Thanking God we reconnected these past several years before it was too late!

Thank you Jesus...because of you I really was made anew!
(yet a little of the daring comes out from time to time-Thank you Holy Spirit!!!!)

I do not mask much any more...I don't take chances any more!

God gave me four wonderful things to die for:
two beautiful young women,
a loving husband,

and life eternal!!!!!!!

Quickie blog

SLEEP, GLORIOUS SLEEP!

Oh, how I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. One hour ago I was allowing the wrong thoughts to spread through my brain. I was angry inside about having to do more running tonight, picking up...dropping off. My youngest is having her friend stay over tonight so the girls can get ready and catch a bus for a field trip tomorrow at 5 AM. More running. Problem is her girlfriend isn't coming until she arrives tonight from her v-ball game around 10:30. Then there is doing the tidying up, running the vacuum, quick dust job, picking up laundry, etc, etc.

So who was I angry at...I was blaming dear ole Joe. Since he got back from storm duty...he has been catching up on sleep. Thank you Father I didn't repeat aloud any of those thoughts prodding me of how unfair I felt Joe was treating me. For a few minutes I didn't care he had worked numerous 16 hour days in a row. I was only thinking about myself.

That's what the devil wants.


Last week I was proud of what I accomplished...this morning I was looking for excuses, and seeking someone to blame.

That's what the devil wanted...it's not what he got an hour later!!!


Thanks be to God!!!!

Now I need to get my bum moving and get ready for work. :)

Taking it easy!

Currently I am all alone.

Husband is working. After I got home this morning the girls went to visit grandparents, they live next door! What a blessing!

I found something I had tucked away back in February 2007. I scanned my bookshelf and realized a little slip of paper sticking out of one of the copies of "The New Believers Bible". It was a list.

Here goes...

Things I Know

1. God's Grace
a. is sufficient

2. It's all in the Cross
a. love and understanding
b. forgiveness
c. fellowship
d. Kingdom
e. More to come... hhhhh I wonder what was going on there?

3. Destiny and Signs

4. Supernatural Exists

5. Prayer works, intervention works

6. Can conquer through Christ

7. No man can be against me when God is with me

8. I can trust God

9. I can trust Jesus

10. I can trust the Holy Spirit
*holds my tongue

11. Love your enemies

12. Spread the Gospel

13. Tithe

14. Waiting is good

15. Distractions are many, but God is Great, He is God

16. practice makes perfect

17. the Word heals!

Then I flipped over the page and saw...

Things I Don't Understand

1. What are you actually doing up there, God?
a. Who are you positioning?
b. What is my role as your servant?

2. I know I'm on the right track, but am I doing it right?

3. Should I run the race a little faster?

This led me to 1 Cor. 2:9

"That is what the Scriptures mean when they say,
'No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined
what God has prepared for those who love him".

It is very difficult to lead myself into a full body of teaching on the fullness of God's love. I guess that is why I wish to go to higher education. I would love any suggestions. I am not conveniently located near college level classes. Earlier this year I almost entered a scholarship contest to Regent University but gave up.

My thoughts on where to go often imagine the possibilities of helping others with mental illness, counseling, writing.

Love and Blessing to all!

What I learned today!

I learned my daughter received the full time teaching position she was hoping for.

I learned my youngest daughter's standardized test scores from last year. She did very well on two thirds of her scores but like her mother she needs to further her writing skills. :)

I learned I could handle a grandchild with a disability. I don't want to be the "A" grandparent but share a cooperative love. By the way this topic has come up a few times lately because my daughter who has no social life including a young man, marvels at the fact I was already married two years at age 22 and was only two years away from pregnancy with her. Thankful she is VERY picky!


I learned I could send out inquiries to colleges without fear at age 46.

I learned I could share past pain about the mental anguish I endured and do it without shame or doubt.


It was a great day!

On the lighter side

Whatever was working against me has departed for the time being.

So...lately our little foursome has been leaning on humor.

Today we wondered if our pup thought the neighbors brought the "big guns" out when she got outside and saw two Amish horses in their backyard. She's been a stubborn pup and I hate having to cross the line and scoop. Today she was on her best behavior! Need a new roof fast...call the Amish in these parts! Actually, I love seeing them...they bought my old childhood homestead!


I ate something disgusting(according to my girls)...since the first toasted cheese sandwich burned looking at something my daughter had up on the web, I doused it with Texas hot dog sauce. Yummy! What can I say...I like a little hot dog with my sauce!



Since we had the talk a few days ago if my husband and I would be the A grandparents or B grandparents, my eldest decided we needed to be the A grandparents. So when the day comes...we will greet the in-laws with hugs and kisses...and announce "game on"! Just kidding, but fun to joke about.


Our car was illegally entered into Saturday night...I always complain that my hubby locks it every time he steps out of it, even in daylight. Well I forgot to lock it and yet all they stole was an eight pack of G2 sports drink! Go figure. Humbled and thankful! Not humorous at first but the more we talked about it the stranger it all seemed. It became strangely humorous.


I wish I saw the look on my niece's face Tuesday morning when my eldest pulled in behind them at another school to interview for a "full-time" teaching position. She could actually be her teacher to replace a full-time sub! Let the texting begin! She is texting her nonstop to see if she has heard anything definite. Happy and proud of all her co-workers now who fully understand why she would depart for a full time position.
:( Doubting if some of mine are so happy. I don't care!

Small town life...whatcha gonna do?

Find humor in the weirdest and strangest things!

That's how it has been flying lately.

Goals

Since my daughter was given an assignment by her coach to find a specific weakness to focus on, she handed in her desire to learn to jump. Funny thing is, at age 14 she is already 5'10" but she admits being a tall child made her self conscious on the playing court. She couldn't really express that emotion into words when I asked why. She really never leaves the ground, except an inch or two. I love to watch the girls on her team who are of shorter stature leap. They seem so fearless.
Juli already has an edge in height but no one in her growth in athletics has asked her to leap higher, until now.

Now to where I stand in growth. Right now no one is asking me to leap higher. If anything I feel a bit stagnate in my spiritual growth in the workplace. Lately when I have tried to write, I feel helpless, unschooled in my ability to express God's written word. I feel God's teachings and guidance, I express it to others in my actions but I am at a point in my life where I want to become more articulate in the matters and teachings of the Bible. I'm self conscious, afraid to offend anyone and yet, I too, tired of not jumping higher.

So my goal, early in it's development, is to get an education. I am going to give this desire to God. I am going to place a note in my Bible to find the most appropriate distance learning venue suited to my needs.

That's where I am at today.

It's in writing.
It's in His hands, all I have to do is a my homework and pray!
Each day looks a little brighter financially!

Thank you Father!

The mess of it all!

Instead of needing "you know your a redneck joke", I need a "you know your house is a mess when"....


your daughter walks into the kitchen and asks "is that vomit or a leaf".

She didn't yell it, but nonchalantly asked what was before her eyes before stepping into the kitchen. Thankfully things are not so destitute to think it was of human nature but earlier in the evening one of our cats had a little case of the "yuckies".
I had to laugh. It was a leaf, but we all got a good chuckle of how in some homes no one would even think to take an icky kitty deposit as something that could be as ordinary as a tiny shriveled maple leaf.

Late last night, after returning home from another evening away and hurried schedule,
I scanned this mess of a place. When school started three weeks ago, I had a schedule change which meant early rising at 5:00.
I am not a morning person by nature!!!!

Then with volleyball games, dance, errands and much needed downtime...the only chore I have been able to keep up on is laundry.

We have clean clothes...but my home has suffered a visible physical pain.

Now I am even a tad too whipped to find a suitable bible verse...but the good news is that even when you can't come up with a suitable quote you can stand firm on the lessons learned.

Eventually life will slow down.
Eventually I will have more energy.
Eventually I'll have a moment to sit back and relish a clean home.

Next week's schedule is much, much less demanding.

Amazing how some weeks just hit you hard!

I did get me a potted mum, and some candy corn to boot!

PS: If you came here by accident...check out Proverbs 31 blogs! They really do help salvage bad days. Thanks to all!

and...my little girl cried last night...she loves her sports..loves it, loves it, loves it...we don't push her into traveling teams or bunches of camps but last night I checked her grades on the computer here at home and asked "what's up with this 65%?" I was heading to bed around 11:30..."Mom"...she felt bad about ONE stinkin' science grade over all the other A's...why did I even mention it??? I actually didn't give it much thought after that. She did. I could of strangled myself...my "bad Mom" moment of the week!


WOOHOOO!!!!! My daughter just walked in after practice...guess what...her teacher typed her score in wrong...she was in the 90% range instead!!!!


Not gonna even attempt to comment on this one either!!! Grades are not that important to lose sleep on I always tell her, but thanking God she mentioned it to her teacher today!

I AM actually happy about this!

Everyone hates tests, including me.

These past two weeks have included such a vast array of mental, physical and emotional tests.

It's been like the SAT of learning to trust God in a way I have never seen before.

I have had to say no to certain individuals.

I have had to learn not to complain. Actually I can't even force myself to complain.

Yet, I had to complain tonight to someone to help ease tension others were feeling.

I have had to sit quietly and let others voice their opinions, their trials, and their triumphs.

I have had to speak up on decisions we have made about my youngest daughter and why we have chosen the course we have.

I have realized the Holy Spirit is really working on my behalf by keeping my tongue quiet on so many obstacles that have been placed before me. Then I felt Spirit led another time to speak up.

I am not joyful, happy about everything I have said and done, but I fear God more.

I am going to go to bed tonight knowing that He is with our family.

Labor Day

I woke up a rather foolish woman today. It was late...10:45...husband really did the right thing by letting me get needed rest. But I was torn, feeling irresponsible and lazy. Got my coffee, settled down to reading e-mails and put on my sneakers. Then things looked better, but the plans I had made last night to get an early start were haunting me. By 1:00, I had two loads of laundry done, a bed changed and still feeling some discontent. What's a girl to do...I head outside and mow the lawn.

I once commented that I use the random shuffling of songs on my i-pod to propel my discontent to better thinking, sweating it out. First song that came up..."Another Loser Anthem" by Good Charlotte.
Oh, that's not Christian.
Col. 3:2 "Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth"

This is my crazy mind. What I see.

Next...some thing I needed to hear...Liz Phair, "Extraordinary".
I needed to hear...to think...to say it to myself...I am extraordinary!
Of course, every time I hear the rest of the refrain I chuckle...mentally...not out loud.

I mow along...various songs come and go. I think about New Orleans, my own trials, places where I haven't let go of past resentments and hurts.

Then a song that heals perfectly a wandering mind such as mine, "Ain't No Mountain High Enough"

Get that song.
Listen to every word.
Feel, know, hear... that which is truth. Call on Him. He listens.
He answers. He moves mountains. He comforts. He is in our lows and our highs.
God observes our trials, knows our weaknesses, saves the lost.

Praise be His name.

Now to tackle more laundry, back to work tomorrow.

PS...The last song on the shuffle, putting away the wheel barrel...U2's, "A Beautiful Day"

A New Season

Actually did something yesterday that I had never done before.
I went to church alone.
One family member went to the early service, others needed rest.
I always had anxiety over this, leftover from days gone by.

When we went to the amusement park on Thursday I had seen our parish priest, waiting in line behind us with his family (Episcopalian). After seeing him I told myself...I will haul my bum to church Sunday no matter what.

When it became clear Sunday morning I would have to attend church alone...I went.

Little butterflies were in me.

I am still growing.

Someone told my mother-in-law yesterday they thought the troubles I had in the past revolved around cancer. I guess we kept our mouths so closed, feeling ashamed of the stigma of mental illness that the first thing people thought of was cancer since it is so prevalent in my family history. I'm completely guessing at this.

Now to Fall,
A new school year,
New opportunities to reach out to others.
Prayers for an old high school buddy struggling with cancer.
Needing strength and healing from Heaven above for her, for others around me, for myself too,
to understand and accept this new season in life, like the autumn leaves here, ever changing.

I see God calling me to do more things in fear than in comfort.


I apologize if any previous entries here have led anyone to believe I was fearless.
Thankfully, expressing myself openly has enabled me to be more trusting.

Thank you Father,
for each step I take.
Help me to express this gratitude and your incredible love for all of us along the way.

Can't decide

 

Can't really decide what to title this. Here is a pic of us, on a log ride at a wonderful family owned park, Waldameer Park in Erie, Pa.

When I saw this picture I laughed until I cried...in public!

Juli thinks everyone makes faces at the cameras placed on amusement rides!
"Obviously not", I uttered through tears, because not one pic we saw all afternoon had an image similar to this!


Last year when we visited this park I did something I had never done before. I just said the name Jesus over and over in my head prior to being plummeted in a 140 ft. free fall ride called the X-Scream. This year on our visit and when we went to Dollywood, the daring teenager I once was came back.

Goofy as it may be to some...calling our Savior's name gave me something.
I could be a kid again.

Thank you Lord, for family, for fun, and being able to take on many things that were once frightening.

Ode To Joe

Two posts in one day...just got on a roll, thanks to a wonderful comment! Thank you!!!!

So..."Ode To Joe" was the half-time theme of the first Penn State football game we attended. My oldest was 15 yrs. old, and on that day she made her decision to attend PSU, and only PSU. The 400+ Blue Band came on the field, turned their backs to the home side and started to play "Ode to Joy". Then with perfect timing they turned, and hit us with a sound that sent chills through us. We still talk about that day!

Now to my "Ode to Joe"

My Joe can get on my nerves like no one else. He knows exactly how to pull my strings and get a reaction. He doesn't do this to hurt me. I have come to learn through 27 years of marriage that God gave this man to teach the impossible child in me the discipline and the determination that she wasn't taking from Him. Joe had to take over a dual role when I was mentally unable. He has refused to do certain tasks in the past despite my pouting, forcing me to take them on against my willful self. Whether he is willing to openly admit it, I will for him. At times he was a better Mom than me!


Joe is a big guy! He's been told he resembles the likes of heavy hitter Mark McGuire and the lead singer from Metallica. He once scared a gentle older woman at a local nursery buying flowers. All he did was turn slightly to see who was standing next to him..."you want these", she panicked, handing him her planter. Obviously she didn't know what I knew. Joe has his sweet side. He gets more excited for seed catalogs than I do!


Joe thought he could design a living room decor unlike any other. I agreed to paint it Caribbean orange to please his decorative side, then two weeks before Christmas I hurriedly sponged on various shades to mask. It was still hideous! I still consult him on color options, but at least now he lets me do the final pick. That's the story behind the weird wall! Yet, Joe gets teary-eyed every time he watches Extreme Home Makeover!
(hhhh...eldest just came in room while typing...her story of the weird wall is we BOTH didn't listen to her advice first)

I've seen Joe do needlepoint, make lovely bead bells and he makes a mean lasagna!

Joe wished he would of played professional baseball, he once got to pitch before the Pirate staff at Three Rivers. If he had made it, this little confirmation wouldn't be typed. We met after that summer dream fell flat. He never tried to make it in the minors after he met me. He is happy with what he got. (Pirates that is...I still irk him some days)

Joe doesn't always follow the game plan in finances. He opened a charge card two Christmas' ago to buy me an eternity pendant. I cried. It was the first Christmas gift between the two us for years. We had an agreement not to use charge cards, but for some reason that gift, on that Christmas Eve was perfect.


Joe is born Christmas Day. My name is Carol. hhhh...see where I am going with this...that makes me "Christmas Carol", too bad I can't sing a note in key.
Joe does love collecting Santas, Department 56 buildings and outdoor lighting stuff. I doubt Mark McGuire would spend a whole weekend planning, and organizing a front yard that glows a quarter mile away. Thank God for nice neighbors!
If Mr. McGuire does, bless his heart!


Joe wears his wedding ring on his middle finger. His ring finger got ripped off and sewn back on after a freak boating accident.
Joe was struck by lightening while golfing. You know the old saying lightening doesn't strike twice, well, one of his foursome got his second jolt that day. The bolt went to the cart and traveled through all four men. Each man had the burn marks to show. All walked away from it! Praise be to God!

Joe sometimes has a dirty mind...but only about me.
He chooses my company over the guys. Doesn't drink, well maybe one or two beers a month. Can't complain about that...so do I.
He doesn't dwell on stuff! Some guys have that gift! I'm getting better and better, learning from him.
Joe can't handle nagging...so I never perfected it! Another Thank God!
He hasn't time for fuss. So I have learned to accept myself as is. He still looks at me the way he did when I was 18! God, you do have me covered!


Finally, he isn't openly or should I say, verbally spiritual, that has it's bonuses. I have learned much from that fact about God's love and grace.
I realize we don't do together prayer time, except at dinner.
I realize many things about our relationship that don't fit the stereotype of a Christian marriage...yet I know for a fact that the things that have been expressed in moments of love, triumphs and trials could not have happened if God wasn't somehow, someway, blessing us because of the covenant we once made with Him.

Time to spare

Since I am killing time this morning blogging before I get my little one up, I have chosen to share pics of pets!

This is Molly! She is 11 yrs old already. She was chosen at a shelter because she resembled a beloved cat named Angelo who had passed away at the age of 17. Molly is annoying me this morning. She is our grand dame of the house and currently holds dominance among the other two. She chooses who she shows love to and when. She loves me! She dislikes my oldest child the most! She can move our dog into shameful retreat just by casting her stare, with deep blackened eyes and head slightly forward and down. When she doesn't get what she wants, she jumps from object to object, rumbling deep from her throat...as she is now!



Next up is Hannah, our Miniature Schnauzer and Emmy the cat.
PS. The gross color of wall behind is gone! Terrible attempt! Just plain embarrassing! :)
Hannah, she is moody at times, will voice her displeasure if displaced from the furniture. She frightens easily yet challenges those much larger than herself. She's yippy. She adores my husband! Runs to the back door every time she hears "Daddy's home", even if she is sitting on "daddy's" lap. Can be sneaky...and don't mention the word hot dog. One thing they say never to do is feed your dog human food, well we should of taken that advice. Just at the mention of the word she goes into a panic of glorious anticipation!

Then there is Emmy...sweet, adorable Emmy. She is our "Nermal". Constantly loving, gets along with everyone and anyone, even Hannah. Brings us gifts, we find them lying outside our bedroom door in the morning or just inside the backdoor after returning from errands. Can actually catch a mouse, freakishly ferocious on the two occasions she has had in her short lifespan (3 years). She's petite, wants human contact constantly except when the house is full at holidays. Probably makes Molly jealous!

So why bother blogging about our animals...considering all the times they have done things to disrupt life...we always love and forgive. Hannah has had "accidents", coincidentally after not getting her way...and Molly has broken a few picture frames and nicknack's during her spells of defiance. Emmy....she just doesn't seem to ever do anything wrong!

Yea, they're just animals. I chose to give them human tendencies in this post.
I can choose to do many things...last night before sleep I talked in prayer of why I feel freer this past year than ever before. I am not choosing to do much of the things I did in my past, yet I am happier, more confident, more patient, more forgiving, more loving, especially to spouse and kids, and just more accepting of all circumstances I face.

I pray differently, giving Him more praise than requests. Lately my requests have been more for others than myself, I guess that is a great sign I am trusting more for the things I wish would change in our little foursome.

Strangest prayer request that has come to be...Molly had this disgusting growth on her back that fell off last week. I can not and will not say she was healed through prayer, but thanked Him anyways!

Ouch...that's loud!

I love commercials...when I was 17 I was going to take Madison Avenue by storm! I wanted to produce, write and develop ad campaigns that would have people buzzing.
Since the Olympics started, Audi has this beautiful commercial that builds and builds both in style and in decibels. At least on my TV it does, I had to shout across the room to say something. Wow though, to have so much confidence in your product, to feel that your product is so much better than everyone else that the producers of that ad campaign felt they had the right to invade into our hearing.

Since we have satellite television, we do not watch local networks but the one available from NYC. Every night I have to sit and watch the commercial for a gospel concert. The intro has you witnessing the performers preparing, sweating and the maestro raising his baton in triumph. Oh how I wished we lived near a city sometimes!

So where is this going? A prayer.
To have the confidence of Audi.
To have the faith and trust in God to sweat it out for him.
To have this rising crescendo in life until the baton is raised in triumph over my life and praises sung!

Favorite commercial of all time: beer commercial

Domino effect of people collapsing one on top of each other until the line reaches its' destination. It marveled me then and still does in my mind, what can I say, it was wonderfully done. Different races, different social circles...one after another tumbling, laying gently on top of another and another until the desires of one are met. Somewhere in that an analogy can be made...but I dare not. Someday!!!
Amen!

Blessings!

Our family has been blessed!
Lets just do a recap...

** oldest has secured a half day contract to teach with benefits, possibility to earn further income on horizon doing a tutoring post!

** Extra income; overtime pay, unexpected financial gift from relative and yesterday a call declaring I won a contest including a small financial reward.

These are monetary blessings. Things we needed to keep afloat during the summer months when things are tight. Financial wizards we are not. Mistakes were made early in our marriage and we are still making up for opportunities lost. This summer it has been placed in my heart to reorganize and gather all things of importance through the years; pictures, kid's school projects, baseball cards, mementos of past events and place them in secure enclosure for safe keeping. All our lives God has kept a splendid wing of Grace upon us!

My bum is so sore today from climbing in and out of third floor attic! I'm learning still the importance of being diligent in spending habits, organizing files, and creating new ways to manage the business side of our life together.

After the call came yesterday afternoon from the contest promoter, after I did my happy dance and thanked God Almighty, I found myself dwelling on His love and a quiet gentle fear came over me. The ball is in my court to announce properly how His glory should be revered in all this. I don't want to mess this up!

I don't want to expound on the trials I have been through and the fears I have held onto for too long.

All I want is for Him to glow brightly through this!

Part of the beautiful Psalm 118...

118:19
Open to me the gates of righteousness: I will go into them, and I will praise the Lord.


Gates are open; to witness, to speak more gently to God and others, to share and to love and forgive.

Fair

The county fair...food...glorious fair food! No dieting for me yesterday...I was celebrating my release from PMS, my family took 5 blue ribbons, 1 second place, and 2 fourth place ribbons!
More good news...my oldest daughter seems (praying) to have a half-day position granted to her for teaching at a local high school. All she needs is that final call back from the Assistant Principal but he is in meetings today. He had called last week and said he would hold it until she got news from her last interview. This morning she found out. She was disappointed to know she was overlooked again for a full-time opening, I told her this is a blessing for reasons God will disclose at a later date. A lesson even I have trouble swallowing at times about my own endeavors.


back to the fair....

Coincidentally, we had the friendliest conversation with a lovely couple. They wanted to know why my husband was wearing a Penn State shirt...we mentioned our daughter sitting next to us just graduated. "Congratulations" they offered up then asked her what she majored in. After she told them secondary ed. in math and found out she wasn't sure of employment they said don't give up hope, someone they know just got hired at _____.
I burst out laughing...we finally found out who got hired for a position she didn't get placed in. It seemed so funny because I had a feeling this certain individual would get it since he was a semester ahead of her and already placed in the system as a substitute and had proven himself worthy. I know this because her younger sister had him this past spring. Could it be my oldest needed to be a little humbled...God knows...at least now she is more determined than ever to prove herself!
Anyways they were a beautiful example of witnessing to complete strangers...they spoke of the power of prayer when it came to buying their latest car, the car salesman's son got the job my daughter was hoping for originally (hehehe). They encouraged her to pray for guidance in her job quest. They were so sweet...I just loved listening to them. I repeat...a beautiful example of showing God's love!


PS...best one-liner comeback
My husband's...we were approached by an over-exuberant carnival worker, actually he jumped out in front of my husband.
"Hey buddy, you know everyone who has on a Penn State shirt wins at my game!"
"Oh, I'll cut you a break then"
He was so speechless, both men laughed. Glad he took it so well...prayers to all "carnies", it's gotta be rough.

Arghhh!

That was me three hours ago. Three loaves of zucchini bread and a pan of corn bread later, I am happy. Tomorrow I will travel with my two lovelies to the county fair to enter their projects. All I saw at first was the mess my littlest one was making in the kitchen and the unfinished photo project my oldest was completing. Then at the strike of midnight, as my husband was leaving for a late-night call out, the girls hit their beds, and the sweet smells of fresh baked yummies have filled our house...the ugly in me floated away.
I believe it did some good to get grumpy tonight.
I saw that my family was not the least little bit distracted or discouraged by my
self-absorbed anxiety of wanting to see things done with a deadline approaching.

They poked fun of me.
That is good.


I'm sure they will poke more fun of me tomorrow.

Extra Bit

"When we are no longer able to change a situation-we are challenged to change ourselves" Victor E. Frankl

This also appeared in my inbox today...quote of the day from subscription to Simple Living.

Even though I had read the bible, front to back, before the events previously listed on an earlier post, I was unable to see light and grace in the situations around me.

When I began gaining strength and started seeking answers, Book of Psalms and Proverbs was where I was planted.

I believe much orchestration and grace was applied by God, I remember snatching up the New Believer's Bible at my daughter's high school baccalaureate...they were there for the taking. Great resource for one, such as me...short attention span, still somewhat confused.

Learning to forgive...a must in order to love!

Mental health

I was excusing myself from posting today, thinking I had nothing to give, until I read this mornings devotion from Proverbs 31 contributor, Melissa Taylor.




Her devotional today in my inbox was on comparing wrong thoughts vs God's thoughts.
Since I have already put some of the fights I have with negative thinking and the darkness that surrounds us I am choosing to add light to a sickness that Satan may have organized but God I feel will use someday to bring another into freedom.

First lie I didn't recognize or believe-
*Satan doesn't exist
OK...then who is the thief who does not come but to steal, and to kill and to destroy. John 10:10

I had just given birth, to this incredible child! She was even born on the same date as the one my Mother died on. A date I hated, but suddenly realized a release was given to me!!!!But did I thank God? Not really.

Every night during the final month of my pregnancy from 10 to midnight, Juli would kick like a pro soccer player inside me, I loved it! After she was born, she cried, and cried every night from 10 to midnight. Then I cried...we walked, we rocked, we used the washing machine, the bathroom sink running. For three months, this went on. No physical reason, no illness, but the Devil had my mind twisting and turning. I started to resent my husband. I ignored duties involving keeping up with financial tasks. When Juli finally began sleeping through the night then my attention went to myself! I started starving myself. Another poor choice! I focused so much attention to my looks. I was still not giving God anything.
Everyday became like Joyce Meyer likes to say... "all about me".
I resented my husband, his family, my family.
So if this wasn't enough, Satan then used my sister's cancer, my father and step-mother's increasing use of alcohol, and family dishevel to throw a lug wrench further into my slowly progressive abnormal thinking.
I lost the 50 pounds, got myself looking great before a class reunion, but I was so sick in my thinking that even my actions started changing.
I remember going to a hair salon and cutting all my long hair off to a short bob, just to get even with my husband. Guess what...I have no idea what for now!
I began having nightmares!
Thoughts of impending doom for my husband!
I thought I was on every one's mind, that this person and that knew a cure to help me!
I even ran away...guess where...to my husband's grandparents. I was talking so erratically that Grandma thought I must be pregnant again.
Within one week...I was hospitalized.
Who shows up, but this guy there, talking about owning and reading a Satanic bible...I physically flipped out! Restraints, padded room and all!
On the positive side...he didn't come near me again.
So...I leave...diagnosed bi-polar. Coming home, ashamed with none of my thinking addressed, on meds...I then slipped away into darkness. A sadness so intense, I cried for days, showered rarely...and finally turned to God.
I attended to Juli's daily needs, she was a cuddly year old...while she slept and I cried some more, I began asking God to just hold me. I pictured this "Father Time" like guy holding me tightly.
I was also given a wonderful British Psychiatrist, a wonderful cancer surviving therapist and Joe, my husband, who was thrown, tossed and punched by months of my insults and horrible actions.
Joe became "boot camp Joe".
The mutual decision was made to make me work, if I didn't get back into mainstream employment and a daily schedule then I needed further placement in the mental system.
Too ashamed to go back into partial care I took a job as a cafeteria worker in a local Jr. High.
I cried every morning on the phone to him after he left for work, pleading to let me quit.
Eventually, I also found a show, and a lady on TV, named Joyce Meyer...she wore red lipstick like my mother did and I found myself slowly adding her into my routine.
Crying, pouting, calling and watching religious TV!

My father eventually had to have an intervention...his alcoholism was actually killing him and was in danger of dying from liver failure.
I lost my beloved sister.
My step-mother was never the same and cancer took her life also.

So this is just an installment.
I'm not sure when part 2 will come.

I do know it will be more of God's beauty and joy.
It all started with a hug from a grey bearded man and a lady with red lipstick.

The VERY Best Lesson!

I have searched much needed advice lately, through scripture, Internet, and just listening to others...but the VERY BEST lesson came Saturday night.
At first I was too embarrassed to post this but today I am going to give it a try.

While at a nearby carnival Saturday, I saw people who I am not always particularly fond of. I critiqued away in my mind. Then as I pondered where I may be going in life, the truth was made completely clear to me!

Your going NO WHERE until you love your NEIGHBOR as much as the strangers you met while away!

Ouch!!!!

Humbled!

Helped me throw more trash away in the past three days than anything!

Thank you Jesus!


PS. Thank you to my daughter, since I tend to rattle on in oral storytelling, she stopped me last night and said, "when you tell a story, people probably just say 'I need to walk away now'".
She is a wise and wonderful daughter, I told her I would store that quote up in my memory for the next time I want to relate an event to someone!
Lessons are everywhere!!!!

Thanks be to God!

Weekend Recap

Great meal-Friday night!
Ankle better!
Unexpected financial boost!
Then some terrible thunderstorms Saturday...power outages...but the show went on...saw a great fireworks display!
Geocaching Sunday...another unexpected view of local scenery!
Wide awake and ready to roll by 5:30 this morning...had a long talk with God last night!
I told him this "thorn" in my side is more akin to a drill bit, just at the mention of this "thing" that I find distasteful, I fall into old ways of thinking.
Do I have a predisposition to anger and unforgiving I asked?

1 Cor. 8:9
"But take heed lest by any means this liberty of your's become a stumbling block to them that are weak."

So many times the liberty we take in our thinking can take us places we should not tread. Those things that irk me the most may very well be of something that I can help and show God's love to someday!

That was where my head was late last night. When I fell away from resentment and twisted the screws of anger from my side, then I found peace.

All for now! :)

27

Happy Anniversary! 27 years!

I had this scanned 2 years ago to make my husband an anniversary card to celebrate our 25th.

27 years ago, I thought for certain we would have this huge celebration on our
25th anniversary. It didn't happen, we had a nice dinner with my in-laws and a couple aunts and our uncle. It was wonderful! Tonight, we are having dinner alone at one of our favorite restaurants. I'm leaving out much of the revelation and spirituality in this because I just can't put into words how I am feeling right now.
I love the fact my husband is grinning ear to ear in this picture, with his Mike Brady hair!
I remember he was sweating it out, through the whole ceremony, while I was as calm as can be.
I remember I danced, and danced, and danced! We had a rented hall, we did our own decorations, we had to run out after the rehearsal dinner and grab a nice serving knife because I forgot. I didn't realize until just minutes before I threw the bouquet that I didn't have a spare, I had pledged mine for Mom's grave. So I ran around pulling flowers where I could from various arrangements and wrapped them in ribbon. We had a huge feast of traditional Slavic food dishes! I had to serve myself!
I loved it!
I was 20 years old, I had just dropped out of college, had no job, yet I was loving this day like no day before!
I am loving today! I am loving life more than ever!
Thank you Father for the blessings we have received!
Thank you Father for the trials we have shared!
Thank you for my family, our love and laughter!
Happy dance, happy dance in my heart today to you!

Dream?

I admit I am not a big fan of dream interpretation... in the past the novice practice of it confused me. But last night I had a very vivid dream, filled with definable imagery and feeling.

This morning, during a moment of solitude, and after a short cat nap (my cat chose to cuddle up with me on the couch) I woke to the thought of that dream and found some meaning in it to share.
Here goes....
My husband, oldest daughter and I were in a town, one slightly similar to one nearby our home. We were there to take part in an event...but this time the town was dark, dirty, polluted to the point of taking the appearance of soot laden buildings. The three of us were unshaken by this and as usual I needed to find a bathroom, which even aroused some kidding by my family to joke that I am always needing a bathroom. Hey, what can I say...I'm older now and the plumbing isn't what it use to be.

We traveled down one alley after another until we asked if there was a public restroom nearby. After arriving at one and venturing inside, I saw that it was the filthiest place on earth. Instead of the usual bathroom fixtures, all I found was deep, dark disgusting holes with caustic fumes rising above. In one of the bathrooms there was this deep pit and laying along side two stuffed and mangy critters. Tucker the elephant and Maurice the mouse...how I knew this I don't know but I was so excited to see them breathing and alive I snatched them up and ran to show the other two with me. Quickly they returned to ordinary stuffed animals. I remember feeling so disappointed to hear my daughter tell me that they had to stay in the filth of the hole to stay alive because they fed off the fumes of an underground city.
I returned the animals, and watched in silence as they began to breathe before my eyes. This dream ended up as kooky as it started with me returning to the street announcing, "I can hold it". Then I woke up.

Now...this morning I woke up, content, just as calm and content as the three of us were in this dream. My daughter has another job interview, hubby returned to work this week.

So why am I posting this?
Well, there is much of Tucker and Maurice in us.
One of biggest temptations I have been fighting this past year is to walk away from the stench and smell of things that in the past didn't effect me much; gossip, envy, desires of material things, distrust, assuming thinking, impatience, worry, etc.

I don't want to be like that elephant and mouse anymore.
I don't want to come alive only when I hear a fancy tidbit about someone else, even when it is mentioned without clear intent to harm.

Proverbs 21:2
"Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the Lord pondereth the hearts"

We can't take that chance.

He truly is all-knowing, flawless, and omniscient!
Praise!!!!!!

PS. Flawless was the word of the day on my homepage. Odd since it seems so clearly definable and without explanation.

Joy!

Tried and tested yesterday to feel resentment.
Each thought was passed aside, stung at first but quickly brushed aside like a pesky gnat. That is how we should always treat thoughts that dig up the past! Yesterday I had my moments, but quickly fell upon what I know as the truth.

A moment of pure joy...Saturday night playing MadGab. I was so totally befuddled on one card that my stumbling, my husband's dumbfounding to his partner's inability to see the correct answer, it led to such laughter that I broke down into a bawling hilarious mess!

A moment of joyful response to a movie last night...August Rush...the music, the fairy tale, despite things I wished were in the movie, I found myself with a quivering lip, holding back my tears at the end.

These are the things that matter in life!
Had two objectives this morning to clear up...two phone calls later...my problems were quickly resolved!

Book that helped me resolve something close to my heart, see 7/19 post...James Robinson's "True Prosperity". I sent so little to a charitable cause but got so much in return.

In much peace this morning...I pray this for others!

I Challenging Change in Thought

All my life, I always heard comparisons, so I grew up comparing. This was especially true to the gathering of wealth and material objects. Last night in prayer I finally came to God in thanksgiving and repentance to accept the knowledge of His Word that I too am a rich woman.

Rich in love...husband, children and the realization that I am loved beyond my comprehension by Almighty God.

Rich in knowledge...His word is available to me everyday.

Rich in salvation...Jesus.

Rich in joy...laughter, beauty of this wondrous earth around us.

Rich in contentment...my needs are being met.

Rich in hope..."I can do all things through him who strengthens me" Phil 4:13

Rich in wisdom...my increasing reliance on the Holy Spirit. "But the helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything that I have told you" John 14:26

When I came to this change in thought, from seeing myself as rich, instead of saying I was richly blessed it did something to me. It allowed freedom to come in and dispel fear. By placing only monetary gain to my perception of the word "rich", I couldn't fully grasp my usefulness to the body of Christ and to God. Being rich was always a condemning word in my mind, a place or people I would never be. Now that I too am a rich woman, for all that I have seen and heard, I too can be a blessing. I see now that wealth abounds for me even though not one more penny may enter my pocket.

Suddenly through this, a whole new perspective surrounds me, it is humbling and it is grace. Thank you Father...I am still unsure where this will take me and my family but with what little I do know of you I am positive it will be for your glory and not mine.

PS. Keep reminding me of that last bit. I still have a long way too go!

Continuation...

Another view from Heavenly View cabin!!!


Cades Cove in Great Smokey Mountains National Park


Great Smokey Mountains National Park

Left Alot of Junk in Tennessee!

I thought something else would happen when I booked us a vacation to Tennessee!
Something akin to a voice of prophesy...something definitive on which way I should turn.

What I got was a spectacular view of mountains. Each new morning brought a completely different image set into my memory forever. We had an "uphill" start to our visit. First of all, the trip up the mountain was horrific. I have this terrible fear of having my vehicle konk out...well we were loaded down to the max and losing power plus overheating as we made the climb to our cabin. I actually called His name out, much to the delight of my family as we made our way up switchback curves and a narrow passageway. Then the toilet got plugged. I sat on the deck and cried. My husband and two girls were playing Foosball! Who was the fool here! Needless to say...the maintenance man came in less than an hour...the van never sputtered a bit the rest of the trip.

I learned much during our week here. From that first night on I put my full trust in God! From roller coasters to mountain peaks, I thought about Him and his grace which led me to just relax, let the events flow and enjoy this time away with my family.

Tennessee is a beautiful state. Though we didn't get to all the things I had planned on doing, all were pleased in this first trip to the Volunteer State! Even our side trip home to U. of Tennessee went without a hitch, what we thought was a wrong turn led us directly to the campus bookstore and stadium. Got us some authentic U. of Tennessee wear!

Funniest oddity we found...the original Kentucky Fried Chicken Cafe while geocaching in Kentucky. I got a kick out of that!

My girl got another call for a job interview...she had posted her resume on a site she doubted anyone would use. The Christian school hasn't rejected her, they sent more info and paperwork for her to fill out.

As for myself, things are more simplified, I am more respectful and thankful to God for this stage I am going through. Thank you for the reality check and the opportunity to dump my junk!

Finally!

Yippee, Yahooey! Finally witnessed successfully for the first time!

Big hug to you Almighty Father!

Update on daughter's job searching....4 rejection letters but visit to Christian school yesterday! Hmmmm....she had to tell the truth...not currently involved in any ministry program. Not sure where this will lead...in-laws had various coincidental meetings with certain individuals yesterday...things appearing to be looking up!

That's all for today...party at our house for 4th! Tennessee here we come on 6th!!!!

Romans 3:23

"For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God"

This past weekend, I probably stacked up so many non-God glorifying thoughts you could climb Mount Everest! Watching your child play in a contact sport, spying the competition and their parents just plain brings out the worst in me. It spilled into my relationship with my husband. It showed in the attitude of her sister. I'm glad we went! Eye-opener EXTREME!

I had to get down, repent...and move on.

because Romans 3:24

"being justified freely by his grace through the repentance that is in Christ Jesus"

BUT....I will have to do better next time! Then, I will have to do better the next time after that!

Now my mouse is acting like a stubborn child right now, I just changed the batteries and still it's cordless self is making this very difficult.

Just like me, it needs a little shaking up to get moving on the right path!

A Testing Day!

Oh what a day! Outdoor B-ball three-on-three, morning of torrential rain and wind, an afternoon of heavy sun. My testing started early. It ran all day and night! I just deleted the details of every aspect of it. It isn't important. So I wont bore anyone of the details. I did go get some new paint for nails...and am so out of the fashion loop I didn't realize Friday night that Walmart doesn't carry Opi. Got Rosie Giggles by Mabeline instead. Since we are all dead tired, and Joe is at work doing a special job, I'm using the TV to get spiritual blessing. The girls are still asleep again. Saturday was a long day!
The three of us have made a pact to start training together. Obviously Juli was fully coached on the game of basketball by wonderfully conditioned and prepared girls! My oldest and I just plain need to get healthier and drop the extra weight!

So I'm ending this post by saying I'm thankful I kept my head, closed my mouth, realized some truths,and I am working through some weaknesses because who really knows what the future holds. Well, someone knows, and to Him I hold onto hope and faith.

Latest Addiction

Me and my girls have a new addiction to reality TV...Jon and Kate Plus Eight. We just can't seem to walk away from that show. First of all it never seems to stop amazing me the size of her belly in the opening! I feel the discomfort she must have been in. Then there is the fact that throughout this show we talk! We marvel at the marriage these two blessed people have. Kate is awesome, so demanding and controlling yet in the mystery of how she was created I see that her ways work. Jon just cracks us up. He can get away with sarcasm so easily and innocently. Now I have to admit I don't have the sextuplets names memorized by sight like my girls do but each time I watch, it is so clear how each is wonderfully made and unique.

Now this show is getting much talk around various circles I run into and it is so easy to criticize the parents methods and methodology but the fact that in the opening they can define each child's unique persona and habits shows something you don't see. Somewhere there are children whose parents can't. Somewhere there are children who don't have a home cooked meal. No one plays hide and seek with them.

Now when my girls and I watch this show, we don't get that deep. We don't criticize, we just watch in wonderment. Kate's constant controlling shows me what can be done, that meltdowns are a fact of life and nothing to be ashamed of.

So as I sit here...using this blog to jump start my day...I want to just say thanks to God that 13 years ago I had a husband, who has a hint of Jon in him, to cover my butt when I was soaked in the darkness of clinical depression. The best thing that ever happened to me was being forced to say I was mentally ill with my first therapist. Because of that first step I took a journey to find the greatest things in my life. To grasp each aspect of their personalities, to criticize less, to accept more, to humble myself, and learn how to be grateful for each new day.

Now I need to get my butt moving because yesterday I didn't do poop! I spent the day just hanging with my girls. They're asleep still, no school and a sink full of dishes. Definitely not the thing that I would want the whole world to see. The things I want the whole world to see are the unseen!

Faith, hope and love of our almighty God, even through tears He is there.

Giving Credit

Yesterday I got what I deserved. Both times in jest, I was called a nerd and weird by my two daughters. The first time, I was spouting off on the fact I drank too much coffee. Who didn't get the credit HE deserved was God! Last night in bed my mental activity was popping, not on bad things but on good, yet I wasn't drifting off to sleep. It wasn't until I turned my undivided attention to Him, giving him praise, making specific prayer requests for anyone and everyone I could think of, that I drifted to sleep.

So God...thanks again!!!
Thank you there have been arrests of gangs and child abusers!

Thank you I never finished my prayers! I never do...yet He knows the pain and suffering years ago when the only way I did sleep was through the prescription of sleep aids.

Thank you for the unlimited opportunities I now possess to make others happy!

Like this!!!!


Ewwww!!!! But this is the before picture of Grandma's sugar cookie recipe

Here is the after...


When I got my hands on this recipe, I failed numerous attempts to get them to rise and be fluffy. Actually they don't even taste like a normal sugar cookie and not everyone LOVES them like we do. Currently I am the only one in my husband's family who makes these after the passing of Grandma. This batch took 3 hours to make. Once you make the initial batter, you must continuously add flour bit by bit until the gooey, sticky feeling disappears. Then they must be rolled to the proper thickness, placed on only my bottom rack of the oven, frosted while still hot and yet I still mess up a tray here and there. It's a slow go, as cookie making goes but those who LOVE them soon become addicted. One of my daughter's friends in college told her she had to wrestle the last one from a friend of hers, she loved them so. This Christmas I am hoping to have a cookie day with my sisters-in-law. Their kids devour these like candy every year. My husband gives me guff if I put too many out to share!
When I was still in depression years ago...I fought myself every Christmas to get these buggers out. Now I have made these three times already since the new year started.

For that...God I love you!

Those First Few Momments

Everyday I start by fixing my husband lunch, getting my youngest up for school, brewing the coffee, then settling down to the computer. While my babe is sleeping in dad's easy chair (she has the amount of time needed to get ready for school down to an exact science!) I come here to shake away those thoughts and attacks of the spirit that appear each day! Today my morning e-mail devotions were amazingly on target!

Attack #1: Your blog is stupid! Writing isn't anything worthwhile!
* now these aren't the exact words I heard in my head...but the negative aspect of what I first felt.

Devotional that truly lifted this burden from me..6/25/08
Encouragement For Today from Proverbs 31 Ministry
"The Adventure of Obedience" by Glynnis Whitwer- it sent me to one of my favorite scripture verses, 2 Timothy 4:7 which Paul writes "I have fought the good fight, I have completed the race, I have kept the faith" The fact is I am one of those people who always wants to know how the movie ends. Will my favorite character have a happy ending? By dipping into the waters of salvation through Christ, by pushing further each day, by casting away those thoughts that are hindering my progress and being obedient to God's calling then I too will say as Paul did. Next time my oldest asks "when you gonna write that children's book...I can say, "here, read what I got so far".

Attack #2: Your just plain weird!
* another synopsis of what hindering thoughts that were floating around this morning...boy those buggers always hit me fast and hard! PRAY hard and fast in the morning!!!!

Devotional that helped..6/25/08
In Touch Daily Devotional by Dr. Charles Stanley
Now Dr. Stanley was using this morning's scripture verse from Deuteronomy 6:4-7 to teach on the importance of being diligent in the manner of our children and raising a house filled in faith. But his comment "a person's relationship with Jesus must be real and exciting" fully dispelled my feelings on insecurity about my "dangerous" comment in yesterday's blog post. All of sudden...weirdness, nerdiness, and that cloak of protective darkness was washed away as I allowed the words of the devotional sink in.

Now everyday I receive on average 5-6 e-mail devotionals a day...often they are read quickly, but the strong seed of God's love even though devoured in a flash DO sustain me! Yet I save each one...I have numerous folders from each site saved. I can't junk them, I can't throw them to the trash bin. Why? My Father knows...somewhere down my journey I'll need them, I'll find one that lifts me or someone else.

As for today...in 6 minutes and counting I have to arise my slumbering teen from the easy chair...get her out the door. She is dressed now...she is taking Health for her upcoming Freshman year during summer school because it's quick, less work, and no offense to her teacher...but coming along rather easy! Now she has more freedom to make schedule changes if need be next fall. She tried to tell kids that the small sacrifice of three weeks of 1/2 day classes and getting up early would be only to their benefit.

She's out the door...Thank God!!!! She's NOT a morning person so this really is a true sacrifice for her! Bless her heart she didn't object to this course, but we already knew through her older sis she will appreciate it come fall.

She will have Grandma's sugar cookies by the end of today!



HHHHHH....guess what ...she missed the bus!!!! She sent a text to her friend...her friend sent a 14 yr old version of a joke, "you missed the bus"...my now "fully" awake 14 yr old zips back into the house to tell me, looses signal and can't receive the 2nd text from her friend saying she's kidding and the bus goes zipping by the house! So I am back 30 minutes later...thankful I didn't lose this post because I closed it so quickly and actually in better humor now than before!

Isn't knowing God wonderful!

A New Day!

I had to walk away from my three best friends in the world last night. My daughters and hubby, every night around ten I feel sleepy, but they egg me on to stay up. Last night I went to bed! Thankful I did...feeling much better about today for it.

Gonna make us some cookies! Snickerdoodles today and after I clean the fridge gonna pop in some of Grandma's sugar cookie dough to whip up a batch tomorrow. My little one, now 5'9", and second tallest in our foursome is wanting to send a batch to summer school Thursday plus with our vacation less than two weeks away, I can have homemade cookies to have on hand in our cabin in the mountains.


Tennessee...we haven't had a week long vacation in 6 years! I took a giant leap of faith for us by securing a cabin in the mountains overlooking Pigeon Forge. Yesterday the last papers were faxed and it is a done deal. Yet there is this voice in me, who wants to yell out to others that I love God, He will provide, we aren't being selfish, we deserve this time away, we deserve a heavenly view of life in a place we have never been before, and yes we know the price of gas! Obviously, there is resentment because our decision to take this vacation hasn't been openly praised by some. I'm still a mountain builder from molehill person instead of tearing down those mountains of needing approval and having a stupid, wandering and suspicious mind. I really think that last part was of His doing!
Forgive me Father!
But I'm busting inside with anticipation!!!!Went on trip advisor today to check out dining options!


So the heart of this post is the day to day struggle and reshaping God is doing with the love, faith, dreams, and hope I have in Him compared to what I am actually expressing to others I speak directly too. God has done some incredibly amazing events in my life! But unfortunately I have weaknesses, I take the outer shell of my middle class existence and that is what I give.
My open prayer today to you Father is:

Break free my mouth to express the love and the lessons you have taught me,
Passion should be flowing,
Expressing the wonderful things you have done for us to others.
Forgive me, teach me to better a better spokesperson for You.
I count each trial, each day a blessing but no one knows...
until now!
Make me more "Dangerous" in conveying your love to others!
(I love that song!!!!!...got it downloaded for free legally by Decemberadio, it allows the old me mix with the "new" me)

So with that done...get to work girl!

A Sweet Blessing!

Last week a woman in the parking lot of a local grocery store gave my daughter a precious gift of a dozen roses. Then she proceeded to pass out three more bunches of roses to other passersby. It was something done for her that obviously I could not do, nor knew to do for her that day. When she called me on her cell she talked about how in the past at Penn State she had been given a flower here and there during her four years there from various students, mainly those involved in student ministries, but she never expected to have that happen here, in this place, a dinky rural place she calls home. Over the past month she has had to hear from others her age moving on, backpacking in Europe, internships in Costa Rica, trips to Chicago and NYC. She has never acted or admitted jealousy, I know I would be if in her shoes. Yesterday was job interview one, in two days, two and three. This daughter is my quiet one, her actions always speak louder than her words. Last night she waited up with me for her father who was called out to trouble shoot a job, even after I mentioned she could go up to bed. A couple days ago she talked briefly about how pretty this area we live in is, even if it's boring. Last night she wished openly she had the funds to pay back her grandparents for the car they bought her by financing their dream trip to Italy, laughing when I asked if she would travel along. "Of course, I wouldn't send Nana and PopPop alone". Keep those dreams alive, girl!
I am posting this as a reminder to myself and anyone else who happens along to enjoy the place you are in, something I struggle with at times, and to keep that line of communication open with God and witness constantly your dreams and frailties.
My dream...Prague...Czech it out! Then there is English countrysides, Spain, Italy...
Hehehe...Hubby wants Mount Rushmore and to visit all 30 Professional baseball parks...
Thankfully all are happy with this years choice of Tennessee! Gotta call later today to make arrangements for final payment on cabin. YeeHaw!!!!

Catch-up time!

The last couple weeks of school I was operating on "another day, another dollar" syndrome. Doing as much as I can each day but not full of pure joy. Now that summer vacation has hit us I want to use this time to share and celebrate some of the great things that we have been blessed with!

Graduation Day!!!!!!





Then yesterday, when my oldest was thinking she was being ignored, God answered her prayers...she not only got one call for interviews for teaching positions but three!

Right now I'm sitting here listening to Joyce Meyers..."something good is going to happen to me today!" So with no second income coming in for the summer I am believing, I thought I was a believer last summer but my heart was worrisome. Obviously something is different this time around because I truly have no smidgen of anxiety at the thought of money! YEAH!!!! Something is definitely different!

Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not be faint.

This summer my plan is the same as the former listed syndrome, do as much as I can each day but do so with a joyous heart full of praise, believing, loving, forgiving, teaching my kids and hubby to trust God. I was feeling quite alone the last few weeks of school this year but I kept plugging along. Allowing the love from children to push me forward. Thank you Father that they were a vital part of my life this past year because the lessons they taught me about myself I fully believe came because of You and what You saw in my flesh that needed discarded! You were with me every step along the way!

So every week I will return here to list all that He brings to my life and rejoice!

A fun day!

We spent Saturday geocaching! This is why I don't mind being a geo-nerd!






It was a beautiful afternoon to find hidden rock formations and scenic country roads never before traveled upon by myself. We met some wonderful folks at a country store and also found a new restaurant overlooking the Allegheny River that had outside seating. The only downfall of the day was my husband's expression realizing that the Swiss steak on the buffet was actually a concoction of liver and onions. He was traumatized to say the least! I loved it having grown up on a farm, nothing went to waste when it came to feeding a hungry family!

Another high point was seeing the love one has for family, so much he built this tremendous lighthouse memorial in their honor!



I also discovered I want to learn fly-fishing! Anglers were everywhere...in this case envy isn't wrong at all...both my husband and I have made this desire as something we can do and share along the journey of our lives together.